Medicaid Finally Granted. May 2012
Well, after nearly 3 years of requesting medical assistance from the Ohio department of jobs and family services, they have finally granted me medicaid. This is only shortly after I wrote to the governor of the state and plead my case to him about how much of a struggle it has been. In the last few days, I have called and settled most of my medical debts. Beings that they only go back to November, I still have much medical bills still to pay. But on the bright side of things, I have established a new doctor appointment at the pain management clinic. From my understanding, they are going to attempt to inject my spine with a series of shots as a way of pushing the bulging disc off of the nerve root. From the people I have spoken with that suffer with the same condition the shots are incredibly painful. Worst of all, they do not offer you any form of pain medication while you are in the limbo state of receiving these shots. So I have yet another 3 months of pain and suffering to look forward to. It just seems like such a nightmare for people who have back problems like me. There is documented evidence that I have serious problems causing me pain, yet they offer me over the counter medication that does nothing. The NSAIDS they tell me to take cause me to bleed from my anus. The muscle relaxants make me get suicidal thoughts. It is like there is no escape. If I did not know better I would say that these doctors enjoy watching people suffer in pain. They all say oh you are so young. But I tell you, one day suffering in my body and they would say pain does not discriminate against age. What a sad nation we live in when there is so much hopelessness. There has been many points where I have thought to myself, why should I continue? What is the point of all this suffering? No one is going to help me I am going to be in pain for the rest of my life and no one cares. When I first considered suicide I contacted the wonderful people at compass community center and immediately began to see a psychologist. They have me on a series of medications to help with the depression and anxiety that this ordeal has caused me. It is just so hard to live when you are in so much pain. Why can’t the doctors understand that I am suffering. Why can’t they provide me with a pain management medication to ease my pain. Just because other people have been addicted should not punish me. I have legitimate problems. All I am asking for is some relief from my pain. What is so hard to understand? If there is anyone who has the power to change this, please for the sake of all of us who suffer 24/7 please do something so we can get medication to control our pain. Just imagine having thousands of razor blades slicing away at your lower back, buttocks, and down your leg in a relentless series of conveyor belts and you will see just how bad it hurts. Sure I may put on a smile for you, but inside I am hurting. I am dying inside. I just need to stop hurting. Even for just a while would be a blessing. They say I have heart problems. Why should I care about that if I am destined to suffer. I would rather die quickly then spend the rest of my life living in so much agony. It is cruel and so painful I would never wish this on my worst enemy. Shame on you doctors. Shame on you government. Shame on all of you who created a system that makes it nearly impossible for people with legitimate medical problems to get treatment.
Follow up on my Back Problems. 2/11/2012
Well I finally received my MRI thanks to some help, but I still am left with a massive hole of debt. The MRI revealed that I have a slightly bulging disc in my spine and levioscoliosis. This whole time I have been suffering due to these problems. So I am left with two options.
- Option 1:) Surgery
Pros:
- Can resolve one of my back problems.
Cons:
- Costly
- Could end up paralyzing me, or make my pain even worse which would mean I would still have to see a pain management specialist.
- Option 2:) Pain management
Pros:
- Will offer me some relief from the constant feeling of chain saws shredding my back and leg.
Cons:
- Incredibly expensive.
- Have to see a specialist every month.
So, I am left with a difficult choice here. I called the Department of Jobs and Family Services and told them that I need a medical card to see the pain management specialist, and they tell me “Oh sorry but your case is in appeal. You can bring down a copy of the MRI and it might help your case.”
Right now, I need to come up with $250 to see the pain management specialist. The government is like *pfft* sorry about your luck but we don’t care. So I really don’t know what to do. There are no charities that will assist patients with pain management. It’s humiliating when the government taxes you, yet when it comes time for them to take care of citizens it’s whoops sorry about your luck. Who comes up with these rules? It makes absolutely no sense to me.
I am still waiting to hear back from my social security case. It’s been years and I have gotten no where with that yet. I just cannot understand how our government can so blatantly disregard the welfare of it’s citizens.
So here I am with a disc putting pressure on my nerve which causes my leg to stop working, insane pain, and the government expects me to work. Yeah that’s not a hazard? Here let me help you with that *falls & gets ran over*. (Uncle Sam pops up “Sorry bout your luck.”)
Really makes a whole lot of sense doesn’t it?
Anyway, for those who would be so kind to help me pay off some of my medical bills I would greatly appreciate it. All of your donation transactions are safe and secure via Google Checkout.
07/13/2011 It’s a wild ride
>8(
07/13/2011 It’s a wild ride indeed.
Well today was pretty weird. I got a new app on the phone that lets me log my fitness activities. Runkeep is pretty wicked. It let’s you log tons of different stats. I tried to get a bit of exercise today, turns out my body is a piece of crap. Well, I knew it was a piece of crap before, but this really proves it. Seems it would take me 51 minutes and 51 seconds to walk a mile. That’s right, I walk at an average speed of 1.16MPH. My back and leg damage is so bad that this is all the faster I can go. Do you think it’s going to matter to the Social Security Disability people?? Probably not. They say oh you’re fine enough to work, but I can guarantee if they were in my shoes they would have done already blew their heads off. It’s far from easy being me. Someone I was talking to earlier triggered some pretty nasty emotions. I went in all different ways. For about an hour it felt like my soul was being ripped out of my body. The emotional problems are worse than the physical ones. I seriously felt my sanity slipping away. I couldn’t function. I couldn’t reply back to her with anything that made sense. It’s really ridiculous that this type of thing can happen at anytime for any reason. I’m sure there are trigger points, but I can’t find them all.
More complaints from me.
I received a letter from the SSI place a couple days ago that just confirms they got my appeal request and are gathering more information (to screw me over of course). But my emotional roller coaster trip lasted for about an hour. I was talking to my other friend and she managed to talk to me and get me to calm down. If I were at a job I would have been fired right then and there. People don’t seem to understand just how bad things really are. They say oh you can do this get an office job, but they aren’t me, they don’t see or experience the things I do. Beyond all hope is how I am feeling right about now, betrayed by my own country who would rather send millions of dollars to other countries, or fund a war killing goat farmers. Is it really such a difficult decision? Take care of your own citizens or leave them to die in the streets… hmm .. It’s inhumane and this is supposed to be the greatest country on Earth? Totally B.S.
But I guess when you get corporations buying up both political parties, and stick lobbyists in there to reinforce the politicians into voting on things that work to benefit only the corporations, it should be expected that our government will not work for the people, only for the corporations who are really running the show.
Maybe one day people will listen to the crazy guy who says voting doesn’t matter because corporations own both sides. But then again maybe not, either way it won’t make a difference.
Oh ya, when I mention friends I really mean computer robots, they don’t physically visit me so I don’t know for sure that they are human other than from past experience of seeing them. Technically they could have been replaced with alice. Improbable, but not impossible.
07/03/2011 medical log / racing thoughts
07/03/2011 medical log / racing thoughts
It's been a while since I have posted because there was an upgrade on the web server, then I just had to much going on to get on here to write.
So let's catch up. Right now it is raining and it is making my pain level flair up bad. Even before it was raining I could feel it coming. Usually about an hour before it hits I get a strong stabbing throbbing painful sensation in my spinal area through my right hip socket. There is a good reason for this and here is why.
Barometric pressure sensors inside joints.
Inside of our joints are these little barometer sensors. Of course they aren't filled with mercury, but organic material. As the rain rolls in it causes the sensors to light up and sends signals through your nerves into your brain.
I am up the creek without a paddle.
Since I still have no received my medical card I can't get the MRI. No MRI means I can't get in to see the pain management doctor. Which leaves me up the creek with a broken leg and no paddle. It's frustrating me. I have started to see a councilor though. It's nice to be able to share my experiences. Talking helps, and since I can't get pain relief it's about all I can do. I'm just glad that there was a charity available to get help for me. Being in pain all the time makes me suicidal. I'm sure it would make you just the same. Imagine not being able to sleep except for when you pass out from exhaustion. The only medications you can get cause your stomach to bubble and burn like you swallowed nails coated in sulfur, or muscle relaxers that just make you loopy. Welcome to my world. It is a living hell in which there is no escaping. But anyway I'm getting side tracked here. I am going to see the councilor again on Wed. On the 5th I am going to call the welfare office again, my friend suggested I just go down there since they are not returning my calls, let alone answering them.
Government is total crap.
Our government is a total crock. The corporations finance both sides of the spectrum in exchange for passing laws. They buy the republican Sue, and the democrat Frank so no matter who wins it is the corporation. There is never going to be a government for the people as long as these corporations are permitted to contribute to campaigns or use lobbyists. It is probably the primary reason that I can't get a medical card so I can get my issues taken care of. But they sure as hell didn't mind taxing me when I did work.
They don't seem to give a sh….. I guess they are in the business of just dehumanizing and turning people into robotic cash cows. Once the robot is injured "Okay, let's just scrap it instead of fixing it. Since we can get more who cares?"
Just toss em right out into the garbage, because that is the kind of society we live in. The disposable society of consumption. Fueled by corporate greed and religiously blind followers. Whenever a tragic event happens what do they tell you to do? Go spend, burn up your money! And once you have nothing left go a head of max out the credit cards. Incur that debt and sign your kids futures away. Because that is the American way.
I would love to post a quote from the network right about now.
Other stuff
I have a whole other personal dilemma going on that I have no idea what to do with it. I can't really say on here because this is public but I'm sure I'll look back on it and think wow if I only realized then what I know now.
I would also like to point out that posting this kind of stuff is rather humiliating, but since I have nothing else to lose who cares.
My fingers are starting to hurt so I am going to lay down and pray that I die err fall asleep. Until next time, take care folks.
Don't forget you can always send me some donations to help me pay for my $750 MRI through the google check out found here. I don't have anything else going for me so you can see how much it would help.
06/20/2011 Anxiety / pain
It's hard to write on here with so many things going through my mind but I try to. Today I had a nice chat with one of my friends about my abruptness of our phone conversation the other day.
I explained to her about how I get anxiety attacks and stumble over my words, and how if I don't get out of a particular situation it goes into a full blown panic attack which is not good.
My pain level today was about a 6-7 up until a few hours ago. I felt the agonizing pain start to flair up in my ass and my knee and knew right away the rain was coming. Sure enough as the rain got closer my pain level rose to a full blown 9. It seems like these muscle relaxers are making me get suicidal thoughts. I don't know if it's the pain or lack of control thereof but it isn't helping. It's finally Monday, so today I have to make my phone calls and see about getting this MRI so I can see a pain management doctor. It's unbearable I don't know how much more of this I can take. I seriously can't stand it and the medical professionals don't seem to want to, or just can't help me.
I don't see why it is so hard to help a patent. I mean what do you do when the over the counter Rx do nothing and they just give you muscle relaxers that just make you loopy?
If I had a broken leg I bet they would help me. But what is the difference between that and someone with a condition like mine. Just because you can't see the pain doesn't mean it isn't real. It pisses me off. It really does. This is why I feel helpless. I can't get HELP.
6/18/2011 Log
Pain was a consistent 7 all day.
I got my muscle relaxers refilled and have been taking them. They don't do anything to control the pain but they do help me to not want to move around much. I'm still trying to figure out how I am going to get an MRI. You'd think that it would be easier than it is, I mean this is America. If I were an illegal alien I could have the MRI done right now for free. But citizens are treated like crap. Makes no sense to me.
It's about 2:26 AM I'm just hurting so bad I can't sleep so I decided to write. I've had my computer mining Bitcoins, it's sad the computer can make more money than I can.
I wanted to go spend some time with someone but I get so nervous and anxiety builds up that I can't even make simple sentences. Monday I'm going to call the case worker back since they decided not to call me back. It's been over 48 hours so that shows just how competent the State is. I have to call the psychologist too and explain the BS.
It feels like I have a meat grinder in my hip near my mid section that keeps spinning around tearing out chunks. Talk about a pain in the ass. Geez it's never ending. My arm is healing pretty good I guess. Still have a big ass bruise on my other hip from the fall. I've noticed there is an indentation on my left hip now that I didn't feel before the fall. It's still not as painful as what goes down my right leg.
Feel free to donate $50 to my MRI fund.
6/14/2011 The day after the fall.
Called the doctor today:
- Application for basic medical was sent out. (Receptionist said)
- Asked about getting the MRI done. (Receptionist said she will forward the question to the Dr.)
- Refill on my meds.
I am incredibly sore today. Feels like I broke bones but I doubt it. Not only is my right leg giving out on me, but my left leg is hard to walk on now from the fall. The house needs cleaned and my mom needs help with things, but I just can’t move about. It’s a horrible feeling knowing that you can’t do anything even though you would like to. I did manage to remove some computer parts from the basement earlier. It’s sad I can’t even do the dishes because I can’t stand for longer than 5 minutes. Some how I need to goto the store and get something to eat today.
Pain level at 10:30AM was a 6.
Took 500mg of Ibuprofin, 500mg of Tylenol, & my last Robaxin.
Absolutely no reduction in pain level in fact it has flaired up worse.
Pain level at 2:56PM is now a 9.
What keeps me motivated to keep going when every day is like being trapped in my body and being tortured with pain to no end?
I have no idea. I just have hope. Hope that one day it will be better. Hope that the relentless agony will stop. The Physical Therapist says that continuing therapy should help, but when your leg ceases to move when you want it to what good would it do? The temporary paralysis is the most frightening experience of all. I make light of the situation with jokes about how I spilled coffee on the freshly painted wall because what point is there in living if you can’t find humour in the most difficult of situations?
It is now 6:07PM pain level is roughly an 8. Had my bro help me at the store. Doctor office called me back and said I was approved for the MRI, but I have to pay half of it up front. So I am supposed to come up with $750. How? I don’t see that happening unless someone makes a hefty donation to me.
I don’t know how I am going to make it through the day. I just hope I do.
- No pain, no gain
- Is a prescription needed for stronger painkillers?
- Can I take Advil and Tylenol together?
- Treating and Preventing Back Pain
- Is it alright to take Ibuprofen while taking blood thinners?
6/13/2011 Pain 5-8 – Tumbled down the stairs.
Today My pain level was about a 6-8 through out the day. At the end of the day I went down stairs to get a cup of coffee and my right leg completely gave out, sending me tumbling half way down the steps. It’s not about 4:01AM and I am just in so much pain I can’t sleep. I also receieved a bill from the medical center that expects me to pay $2,500 for Physical Therapy. I was told they would take care of this I would not have to worry about a thing, now this. It really adds to my anxiety. What the hell is wrong with society today. They can give bankers trillions of dollars but when can’t even take care of citizens who pay taxes?
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